Your inner CD
Until I knew how thought works, I used to believe many many different things about my inner workings. This made things extremely difficult for me. I wasn’t really aware of it, it’s only in retrospect that I can see it. This list is very specific to me - you may have none of these challenges, but I'm guessing you will recognise at least something below.
1. I would get stuck in uncomfortable or horrible or damaging thinking, or thinking that was at odds with my beliefs, and I did not know how to end it. I thought I had to do something. But since you can't exactly take a spatula and scoop out your thinking... It led inevitably to more frustration, stuck-ativity, and despair.
2. I would judge myself for getting a particular thought.
3. I would worry about anything that seemed like a big deal to me. Even if i would stop worrying, I knew that really when i think about that thing, I should be worrying, I'm just not worrying right now.
4. I would get overwhelmed very often. I would either blame it on the amount of things I needed to do or the people in my life, or anything really. When overwhelm kicked in, the world looked like a terrible place to be in.
5. I found it very difficult to accept i was wrong when involved in an interaction with someone else. It was too painful to me, so I just put up a blank wall in place of any attempt to have a look at the facts.
6. I didn't understand how it was possible not to judge people around me - after all i have eyes!
7. I found it really hard to forgive. Forgiveness happened if as i gradually forgot over time, but it was despite me - not because of a direction i was taking. This didn't come up as a huge problem to me, because I'm not a big grudges type anyway, so I only realised the change in this area, once it had happened. Sometimes we only see the problem, when we are already in the solution.
8. I would compare myself to other people and would shrink into near non existence when I saw, quite substantially, how much better they were at xyz, than me. Sometimes, this meant I would have to somehow demean them in my eyes, to feel better. I hated the feeling of inferior. This is also something that didn't bother me too much - it seemed logical at the time, but nasty.
The longer i sit here, and write more numbers on the page, the longer this list would get, but you get the idea...
A caveat: It is beyond the scope of this article for you to read on and for you to understand immediately how that all changed. It's funny to me as i sit here and write, that I have no idea how I am going to express it next, but express I will! I can only give you a taste of a flavour that will spark your curiosity, to explore beyond this text, until you too see something inside yourself that is new. Different to before.
Thought is one of the 3 Principles that create our moment to moment reality. i.e. in real time. That means that without these three principles, you can't experience anything. Let that sink in. A principle is a constant. Always there. Always needed. Never on holiday. As Gravity is a principle of physics, Thought is a principle of Psychology and the way our minds work. In order for us to walk and not float, we need gravity. In order for us to experience absolutely anything in our lives we have Thought. If you are thinking “Duh, I knew that already” then I ask you:
“So how come you never consider Thought as an option when you wonder how on earth your neighbour did that” Seriously, when was the last time you pondered the word “Thought” when your husband forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, or forgot your BIRTHDAY!!!! (Ha I had to mention that one, as I married into a birthday obsessed family) Chances are, you go harping on about whatever ills you fell have been done, and by no means see Thought as having any place here thank you very much!
I like to see Thought as a CD. An endlessly turning CD, powered by what is referred to as the principle of Mind. You know what I’m talking about, and there’s a reason I’m not giving the game away yet. Because I want you to experience the unravelling of this. So that it doesn’t get relegated back to the labels and boxes you already have, but you expand what you know to include more. Mind is what powers everything. Mind is what makes the grass grow, the wind blow, your heart beat, and your lungs breath. It is the energy behind everything and from which everything is created. Thought takes form in our minds, from this formlessness. You call that G-d. The power source of the world, and the power source of your mind, no less than anything else.
Getting back to the CD metaphor. The CD is always turning, always able to provide new thought, but for us getting in the way. Sometimes, we grab a thought and find it super important, super compelling (Consiousness making it real - see prev article) so we analyse it, examine it, consider it for all we are worth, and then the CD jams. We get stuck on seeing something one way, and stay in resentment, upset, guilt, anger, frustration, anything miserable, you know. It’s only when the needle moves, and we see something else, that the CD can go back to it’s normal turning, the way it is willed to do. (Btw I consider myself the grease in this whole process, glamorous I know…) You need to know that the CD never actually stops turning, there is always new thought coming in, but it’s like those times when the CD is belting out a song, but mid song there is a screeeeech and everything comes to a halt. It’s not smooth, it’s not pleasant. Then there are those times that we’ve done so much jamming, that the CD gets scratched, and we start getting actual physical symptoms. Been there done that.
There are many implications to this. An implication is a ‘therefore’. I don’t apply this to life like a tool. I see where the natural consequences are when you know that there is CD spun in your head by a heavenly DJ. Are you dizzy yet? So then let's go:
As like all my lists, this one could go on and on.
If this sounds interesting and the music isn't destroying the atmosphere you're ready to get more specific.